explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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