But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
