Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
