if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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