I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
