then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
