I'm gonna have a badass scar
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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