And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
