I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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