If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
