Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
