Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
