So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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