I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize