Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
