Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
