Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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