In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
