I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
