I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
