you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He has the fingertips of a God
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