He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
