new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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