I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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