Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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