based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
