everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
