Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
