My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish you could order shots online.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
