its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
