i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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