so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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