at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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