He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
