you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We left an ass print on the piano.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
