what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
