you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
