I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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