You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
