I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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