this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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