saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
