So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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