he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize