I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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