Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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