I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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