maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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