I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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