I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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