im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
