Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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