What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
