Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
