The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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