My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
