so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Bring me that man meat
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
