According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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