The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Less talking, more tequila
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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