I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Green mimosas i think yes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
