And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
