oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
