i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
