Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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