Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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